Human Touch

終於明白當中的情緒低潮的原因, 除了M前綜合症外, 還有就是少了一種Human Touch.

這裡的人生是, 每天7點多走路上學, 上課, 上完課, 然後去圖書館用電腦, 讀Readings, 上拳擊課,上課, 放學, 回家, 吃飯…星期六去做義工, 星期日做功課…

和host mum, housemate 談一兩句, 回房, 上網, 看readings…
有時真的很孤獨…

人是social animals, 總不能活在這種狀況下, I have the need to talk, chit-chat doesn’t count. it is just, sometimes, we need time to talk about life, relationship….

Jacintha, 經常碰面, 一星期五天, 有時 run out of discussion topics, 有時想逃…

是的, 那種dispensible, 沒有價值, 不知該把心和身放在哪裡的無重感,有時叫人抓狂…

在這裡也有13個香港學生, 可他們都住宿舍, 而且因為遲了一個星期來墨國, 沒能打入他們的圈子…住host family 的兩個HKU學生, Ayo overloaded himself with 6 courses, no time for the meeting.
Luke, err…

總之就是很難找一個可以談得來的人….

———
下午, 上完課, Jacintha 陪我去買coffee, 她說, “I feel like talking to somebody.” 大概是這個星期都沒怎麼交談, 我答應了她的談天邀請.

然後我們便坐在學校門口的草地上, 夕陽的餘輝灑在我們身上, 看著近處的車水馬龍, 望著遠方的天空, 想起昨天的槍擊, 談著人生, 而想起昨天附近的槍擊, 我們都不約而同地談到了死亡,

” there are gunmen lurking around, and accidentally shot us to death.”我打趣.

“ha, it was such a nice death. with beautiful sunset, and to die with you. haha” she said.
然後又談到往事.

她說, 在大一時, 曾成立一個society, raising money to give out scholarship for poor Indian students in her university, to run cheap tutorial classes for A-level students… she was responsible for the fund-raising.
with such mission, she came to meet the “Big Shots” in Singapore, like Lawyers, high-ranking officials, bankers, she alone raised 300,000 HK.

but with the internal power struggles in the society, the money raised was misused, and due to her outspoken personality, she was badmouthed, all her effort went un-noticed….

she has still been haunted by the feeling demoralized and discouraged from such incident….

談了40分鐘, 我去上森巴舞,很clumsy, 但出了一身汗, 正能量多了. 之後,同學說, 有一個籌款活動, 捐20 PESO, 跑3K, 再集體跳森巴…
沒有帶運動鞋, 赤腳跑…

 不知怎得, 又好像生活有力了….

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3 thoughts on “Human Touch

  1. 或許又再次把自己投射到你身上來… 我在丹麥的頭幾個月也是寂寞的,身邊找不到可以談深入(ie.一些自己認為”有意義”)話題的人

    不過你現在host mom跟你一起吃飯,應該多一點人情味吧… :-)

    Like

  2. 老是依賴別人也不是辦法, 有些孤獨是必須的.
    所以學會了低B地和自己相處,包括寫作.
    反正,都是這樣成長了過來.

    我的HOST MOM, 只是一起晚飯而已.
    不過還是好的.

    Like

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