Deshnoke is 30km away from Bikaner, which is a relatively well-known city in Rajasthan. After visiting the old cities in Bikaner, I took a rickshaw ( similar to Tuk Tuk in Thailand) to the bus station. I had a very interesting conversation with the driver.
Driver: where are you from?
Me: Hong Kong
Driver: like Bikaner?
Me: Yes, pretty much, the architecture is amazing.
Driver: Bikaner people are very nice.
Driver: How old are you?
Me: 29 ( well, even tho I tell my real age, they won’t believe anyway, so why bother.)
Me: Yes (better to tell the white lie, when my host describes women as “domesticated” , you can tell how much they are against women traveling alone.)
Driver: Have children?
Driver: Why are you in Bikaner?
Driver: your husband?
Me: in Hong Kong. what about you? how old are you? Married? have Children? Boy or girl ? how old are they? ( I asked.)
so the driver was telling me that he is 39, married with two children, a boy and a girl, seven and six years old.
“With my wife, sex life is empty. ” out of blue, he uttered such words.
I doubted my hearing, why did he talk about his sex life to me? I thought sex is a taboo topic in India. Though I wished to confirm his saying, I remained silent. Too much openness will only corrupt his perception about female travellers.
Driver: Are you enjoy your sex with Indian men?
What the fuck!?
What’s his logic behind the question? with reference to the conversation, I was married, having sex with Indian men while traveling means I have committed adultery, so he took that I travelled without my husband as we were having problems in our marriage, I escaped from him and betrayed the relationship. Words reveal one’s perception formed over the years. The act of adultery is so easily spilled out from a driver, is he considering to commit one due to his unsatisfactory sex life with his wife? When he asked me the question, he was indeed projecting his thought on me. What intrigued me is that when does Rajasthan, the relatively conservative and patriarchal society, accept women committing adultery?
Maybe indeed, it can reveal certain Indian cultural traits. When married couples have problem in their relationship, they won’t get divorced, but live in separation. In that sense, suppressing one’s sexual desire in the name of upholding one’s integrity is not of value as to whom you are responsible ( except yourself ) no longer matters to you. At the same time, the natural sexual desire is so compulsive that you would rather choose the pleasure over morality. That’s why the driver told me about his empty sex life and assumed the “husband-abandoned” me to conduct sex traveling?
Or he could not understand / believe what I was saying, assumed that I was that sort of sex-hungery solo travellers, trying out men of different nationalities wherever I visited?
Whichever explanation could not ease my utter surprise. However, I could not let the discussion go on or else I gonna put myself in a rather risky position. I pretended that I didn’t get his question and let silence lead the journey.
At the end of the journey, I paid him. when I got off , he asked again articulately: do you enjoy having sex with Indian men?
Fuck !!! What a perverted driver. I pretended that I didn’t understand again and just said: ” thank you. ”
This time, I was very irritated. I don’t understand how he’s got such perception, a solo female traveller will have sex with Indian men? or the rape cases have such profound impact on him that even though female travellers are raped, such involuntary sex should be an experience to enjoy coz it shows how great indian men perform sexually.
The more I try to analyse the phycology and mentality of the conversation, the more sickening I feel !