What-Makes-You-Happy Project(28): Moe, India

Moe is my first host in Bangalore. He is 29 years old, working as a senior system engineer in a technological company.

He was born and raised in Bangalore.

“I spent all my life in Bangalore. I felt very confined and constrained.” He said.

Then he heard of couchsurfing project and joined it. He opens up his door to travellers around the world.  Through communicating with travellers, he gets inspired and refreshed.

Career Path

It is very typical for people in Bangalore, “the Silicon Valley in India”, to work in technology industry. Moe is one of such. After working in technical support team, he switched to a more customer-orientated business team. “I like talking to people instead of cracking and writing codes.” He smiled.  Yet a sense of belittlement can be felt from his tone.

He is a senior in the team, but I suspect if he stayed in his original department, he might possibly have reached up to the position of a supervisor.

“It is hard to make such a switch, coz that means I have to start from scratch and compete with younger colleagues.  I did it anyway. I felt a lot happier in this department.” He reaffirmed his choice.

“I want to do more travels, but it is very hard.” he sighed as he drove me sightseeing Bangalore.

“It is a matter of choice, you can ditch your job and travel around the world as you wish.” I replied.

“No, you just can’t leave everything behind, you have a family, you have a job. You have to start anew when you return. You will lose the edge in climbing up the career ladder.  I admire travellers like you to have the courage to live up to your dreams.” He said.

“I feel old and insecure coming to think of the career path. but if I don’t do it now, I will regret for the rest of my life. ” I reasoned.

“You are still young, three years can make a great difference in career path.” he comforted, “It is an Asian thing, we all want to be high flyers at the earliest age as we can, especially compared to our peers.”

I nodded.

Marriage and Family

Moe and Rosh’s love story speaks for modern Indian relationships.

Moe and his wife Rosh are college sweethearts. They have been married for almost two years now.

Moe used to have a bad-boy look: keeping a long hair, wearing jeans with holes, smoking , skipping classes while Rosh was that kind of smart and quite model student.

“We met through common friends, I tried to date her out, but she refused me at the first place. I guessed it had to deal with my appearance.” Moe laughed while looking at Rosh.

“Yes. But as we hung out more frequently through friends’ activities, I got to know him better. He is a lot better than what he looked outwardly.” Rosh was blushing.

It has been 11 years since they were together.

Rosh visits her parents every Friday and stays there overnight. Moe then has his men’s chill-out parties and gatherings by himself.

On the way driving me out for dinner during the Friday night when I was surfing in his place, Moe said, “My former couchsurfer now a close friend of mine asked how we could keep a relationship for so long. It is about trust and  leaving spaces for each other.” Moe said.

“That’s why we have to free ourselves from each other for the Friday night. It can be very boring and suffocating when we spend too much time together. Of course, we also have the principle of “Don’t Ask, Don’t tell.” We should be honest with each other, but at times we need to have little room for ourselves and we should have faith in each other. When we were having our honeymoon in Thailand, I met few russian girls. They were so open that they suggested me to have shower together with them, literally inviting me to have 3P sex. I refused it. I did tell Rosh later on. She was fine with it.” Moe recalled. “After all these years, we need to trust each other.”

“To have extra-marital sex is very easy, but I don’t want to do that. I can’t. That’s the ethics that I am holding on to. ”

“Affection and passion for each other can gradually fade out, then responsibility and trust come to play a role.”

“We haven’t planned to have a baby yet, coz we want to enjoy a bit more freedom as an individual. Our parents do urge us to do so, but we just ignore them.” Moe said. ” We also try to have common hobbies together, such as learning how to dance salsa. “

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